About six months ago, I gave up on my 10yr old.
Truly gave up.
After almost 5 years of trying to help her learn the piano; countless hours of teaching her how notes, rhythm, and music works. After making sure she sat down to learn her pieces for that week’s class, and helping her practice recital pieces one-line-at-a-time; while simultaneously being screamed, whined, or cried at- depending on her mood that day.
I got sick of being screamed at, and unappreciated, and I gave up.
You see, I kept encouraging her to play piano for so long because I believe that children need to learn how to do hard things. They need to learn to take responsibility for things, even, and especially, for things they don’t want to do. In life, one does not just get to do anything one wants all the time. Plus, I truly believe that piano is an amazing teacher for so many good life skills. Including, but not limited to; math, reading, listening, patience, resilience, self-critique, fine motor coordination, and pride.
But, I’d reached my limit.
I told her exactly why I was going to stop helping her with piano. I told her that I did my best, tried my hardest, to help her when she was struggling. I tried to teach her when she didn’t understand. I was incredibly patient, and tried to help her with her big feelings when she was frustrated or angry. I tried to give her strategies to get through those big feelings, and I encouraged her to work hard toward her goals. I told her that even though all of her screaming and whining and crying at me that it was “too hard”, I tried to help her. And, I had reached my limit.
As painful as it was for me to give up on her, and believe me it was painful, I think it is ultimately good. It shows her that one can only push people so far, that no-one has unlimited patience. That the people who love you, and want to help you, deserve to be treated well. Even when you’re mad at them. Especially when you’re mad at them.
It shows her that everyone has limits of patience, and she’d reached mine.
So, now she’s on her own.
She’s still taking piano lessons, and still has to practice each week. But, now it’s on her shoulders. I will not remind her to practice, or tell her when she has a rhythm incorrect. She will either sink or swim. And, either way, she has full control of her fate.
I really hope she swims, but if she sinks, that’ll be a lesson too.
And maybe it’ll have more of an impact because she’ll have done it all on her own.